Some important e-mail messages…
Posted on: Thursday, February 17th, 2005 at 12:22 pmRead more about Idiots, Morons, & Fools
I have a Yahoo! e-mail account (among my many accounts). Yahoo! has a separate “Bulk” folder for spam e-mails that get sent to you. I thought that since spam takes up 70% of all e-mails sent in a single day, we should take a look at some of these important messages. Hey, they slow down the internet for all of us, so maybe it’s worth our time to at least take a look at some of these things…
Let’s see, the fine folks at motorcycle@motorcycle.com sent me a message entitled: “[Motorcycle.Com] 2006 V-Rod Test, Dyno and Vids” Well this spikes my interest! I mean I’ve spent SO much time in my life on a motorcycle - they definitely got a new reader with this e-mail! And who DOESN’T want to know about the 2006 V-Rod Test?!? Thank you, you fine folks over at motorcycle.com - not just because you sent me a piece of e-mail that I could give two shits about, but because you sent it to me twice.
Next the fine people at LendBridge sent me an e-mail entitled: “Joseph, Get Info On Landing Area Refinance Rates” I gotta tell you folks - this perks my interest. I’ve been thinking about refinancing my home for a while now and this great company is looking to give me the rates that are available in my area. GREAT! Ok, so I don’t own a home and I have trouble making my monthly payments as it is, but hey - I could still use those rates from LendBridge, right? Right???
OH! Look at the next e-mail! It’s from Jessica James! She titles her e-mail, “Re [9]:”
Alright, all jokes aside. Listen up here spammers. Who the fuck is going to open an e-mail entitled, “Re [9]:”??? You answer me that and I’ll consider you to be stupid instead of retarded. Idiots…
Apparently LendBridge shared my information because Lending Span has the next e-mail entitled: “Joseph, Chance To Reduce Your Mortgage Rate” As I said above, thank GOD they sent me this! I couldn’t imagine keeping these high mortgage rates! Fucking shmuck spammers - do some fucking research and realize that I DON’T OWN A HOME!
The final e-mail that I have to go over is an internet classic. It comes from Patti Armstrong and has the following subject line: “Buy factory direct…weight loss, anti-depressants, pain meds” You know folks, I often feel depressed and I have so much pain. And my weight - it’s ballooning out of control. This e-mail is really a blessing in disguise if you ask me. Oh wait, I’ve lost over 100 pounds in the past year, I’m constantly happy and excited (except when Rutgers fucks my parking), and I don’t ever take medication for pain…
Looks like Ms. Armstrong is a fucking idiot! As a matter of fact, all spammers are idiots. So here’s to you Mr. Spammer. Fuck off!
February 17th, 2005 at 12:30 pm
The ones that really get me are the ones that show up offering you a way to reduce spam. How many people see that and think "hey cool, this email I didn’t ask for from some people I’ve never heard of can help me stop getting emails that I didn’t ask for from people I’ve never heard of. Where do I sign up?"
The frightening thing is that these people are making money because there are people out there retarded enough to respond and buy things from these jagoffs. The logic behind this isn’t there on a good day, but especially in a case like this. Buying a spam killer through spam is kind of like clicking on a pop-up that tells you how to remove pop-ups. The mind boggles.
February 17th, 2005 at 11:38 pm
You know, it really IS frightening that people are making money off of this spam thing because there actually ARE people who click on these ridiculous e-mails.
It’s just a common sense thing - but then again, this is a world where there are still people who aren’t quite sure what an e-mail is…